Throughout life we will all be faced with challenging situations. Some will lead to greatness, some will teach you valuable lessons and some will leave you thinking What The Fuck???

Once upon a time I wholeheartedly believed that everything happened for a reason but these days I am much more of a skeptic on that subject.

The last few months have been difficult and very trying on my soul. Shit, life altering situations have occurred, people have come in and walked out of my life and I have been faced with challenges. I do not feel that any of what has happened recently has led me to greatness nor do I feel I am any wiser or have learnt any life lessons but I have said and thought What The Fuck on an almost hourly basis.

I have began to ponder the notion that perhaps things don’t happen for a reason. Maybe there is no predetermined course to lead us towards some ordained grand destiny. Maybe things happen because sometimes people are assholes and sometimes you just happen to get caught up in their asshollery. Sometimes there are no lessons to be learned, just shit luck to deal with.

I’m starting to see that our belief of fate is just a coping mechanism for us to be able to come to terms with the shit that gets thrown at us and so we don’t have to come to the realisation that shit happens for no reason other than some people are assholes who like to shit on everyone around them, not for any particular reason except that they can.

Looking at my life and because it is the only thing I can really comment on, I can truthfully say majority of what has happened hasn’t really happened for any particular reason or lead to another turn of events that has proven otherwise to me.

I was previously someone who looked and thought so much into everything and tried to make sense and have an understanding of all the situations that have occurred. I feel as though this sense of thinking and living has helped to contribute to the bullshit as I talk myself into believing that this situation is happening for a reason or this person has entered my life for a reason. I will then focus on the signs; more like coincidences that force me to believe that what I am thinking; more hoping is correct and I will then believe I am on the right path.

Let us take look at a recent situation that I have dealt with… my relationship ending because of lies and betrayal. Did this happen for a grander reason or just that he is an asshole and I just happened to be the unlucky person to be caught up in that. If it was for a grander reason what did I get out of it? Yes, it is a blessing because I would never want someone with characteristics like that in my life but then why did it happen in the first place?

I poured blood, sweat and tears… so many tears, into that relationship, I put up with so much crap because I loved him, for what exactly? Did I learn anything? Honestly no. This has not made me any wiser. It has only made me bitter and untrusting of everything and everyone. All of it was absolutely pointless and a complete waste of my time. This situation did not serve me in any way so this could have not possibly happened for any other reason than I just happened to get caught up in some asshole’s asshollery.

Now on to another example… through a professional encounter I once met a man. I will admit I did initially fancy the look of him and throughout the half hour conversation I did wonder what he looked like under the suit he was wearing. Seeing as I am human I think this is pretty normal.

After leaving the meeting, I didn’t give him another thought. But he clearly thought about me.

The weeks after that were filled with phone calls, text messages and the like, all initiated by him. I did begin to fancy him on more than a physical level but the situation was complicated as I was in a relationship at the time.

Due to us both working on a project together we were having to see each other on a very regular basis. I honestly thought once this project was complete I would not see him or speak to him again and he would just be forgotten. I put this down to a phase.

I conversed with him more than anyone else around that time. I became so comfortable with him so quickly and confided so many personal things to him. He was so caring and sweet and really looked out for my wellbeing. Slowly I began to look at the signs and come to the conclusion that he had stumbled into my life for a reason. It was too odd that this random person would walk into my life and make such an impact. If soul mates were a thing, we would have been it. It just blew my mind that we understood each other and had so much in common. I felt that we were so compatible in so many ways.

We remained fairly close and in time my complication disappeared. We began to pursue the prospect properly and see where it would lead.

Again, the fucking signs and belief of fate took over. The more I thought about it the more I realised that this person ticked all the boxes and although there were a few things I was a bit unimpressed with, they were overshadowed by the things I was super impressed with. I thought things were coming along quite well. Until I stopped hearing from him the 25 times a day that I had become quite accustomed to. Within a couple of weeks, the contact had dwindled down to one text message and within a few days from that it had become no contact at all. From the lack of contact, it didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that something was amiss. I over analysed the situation as I do so very well and still couldn’t work out what I had done wrong or what had gone wrong. I was angry because I hadn’t pursued him in the slightest, he had pursued me. I eventually asked the question and was told he basically just wasn’t feeling it. I found it very odd that a person can go from hot to cold so quickly. Clearly someone else had caught his eye or the chase wasn’t as exciting anymore. Regardless, the entire situation had become pointless. Why would someone randomly come into my life, blow my mind and then fuck right off? And so, that was that, something I had honestly believed had so much purpose, done in the blink of an eye.

Again I pose the question, what was the reason this happened? Did I learn anything? Am I a better person for it? Fuck no. Just another instance of being caught up in someone else’s asshollery.

Many years ago I met a man, he was gorgeous, successful and so very into me. He charmed me and had me floating on air. He would take me out to the most fantastically romantic places and we would have the most amazing conversations. One night whilst in his bed, encased in his arms we began talking about our most favourite things. It was like a dream, something you read about in books. He turned towards me and looked deep into my eyes and told me that he thought I was the one. All of a sudden he jumped out of bed and ran over to the window and proceeded to move the curtains aside to peek outside. I asked what he was doing and he explained that he had heard a car. I was a bit confused… he lived on a street with a road, cars do drive on roads…

He then turned to me and said he had something to tell me. My heart sank. He sat on the bed beside me and explained that he had a girlfriend but he didn’t like her and wanted to break up with her but he didn’t know how to.

For fuck sake, who does that?? Of course I left and ignored his phone calls and messages until he got the point and left me alone. What The Fuck!!!

What did I learn? For what grand reason did this happen? Am I a better person for it? Fuck no.

The sad thing is I could go on and on with pointless experiences that have served absolutely no purpose. The only thing that each of the situations have caused is bitterness, pain and a severe form of lost self-esteem and confidence. I am now at a point where I can no longer allow myself to feel anything for anyone. These idiots that have come into my life from absolutely no where solely just to fuck with me have taken the sense of fun and excitement out of that part of my life. I have no faith, trust or energy for this bullshit anymore. I am done.

So in conclusion there have been no valuable life lessons gained, no greatness achieved and no purpose fulfilled. It has all just been instances where I have been the subject of another asshole’s asshollery.

For now, I will continue to shake my head in bewilderment whilst whispering What The Fuck?? to myself every hour, on the hour until something proves me wrong.