But that does not make him a Father.
Turning ten years old was something I had been looking forward to for about ten years. To me it was such a milestone. I would no longer be a little girl but well on my way to being a woman. It is very entertaining to recall the thoughts you had as little person.
The months leading up to my tenth birthday had been fairly tough for my family. My biological father had decided that he didn’t want to be a dad anymore to the three most awesome humans on the planet so he left… the country… probably to ensure we could never find him again. At this point I was almost ten, my sister was seven and my brother was three. My mum made sure that I was still to get the tenth birthday party I had been dreaming about my whole life.
The party was amazing. I had a few friends sleeping over and we sang and danced to Ice, Ice Baby and Informer by Snow well into the night. We had the whole upstairs area to ourselves to make as much noise and giggle like little school girls (because that is what we were) to our hearts content. I didn’t really think about the fact that I didn’t have a dad anymore because my mum was always playing both parts.
Due to financial difficulties we had to relocate into a smaller dwelling. Months after, the wooden plank fence surrounding the property began to collapse. My mum, after looking through the local paper, found a carpenter that could fix the fence for her.
Now, at the time I didn’t know that the man who had come to fix the fence had fancied my mum and had asked her out on a date. I found out a lot of this information much later. From what I have been told, they went out on a date, found that they got along really well and had a few more subsequent dates from there.
I recall meeting him one night before they were heading out. My aunty was looking after us. I remember coming into the lounge room and he was sitting there talking with my aunty whilst waiting for my mum to be ready.
I did not like him at all. I wanted nothing to do with him and I’m pretty sure I made that extremely clear to him. Who did this guy think he was? Taking my mother out on a date! I decided I would have to put a stop to this.
A few days’ later mum sat me down to talk about this situation. I was not having a bar of it. I told her that I didn’t want her seeing him. She asked why and of course I had no logical answers. It just made me feel terrible inside knowing that my mum was with another man. I was so shitty about the situation but my mum had requested that I spend a bit of time with him and if I still didn’t like him she would end the relationship. Fantastic! All I had to do was spend the day with him and tell her at the end of it that I didn’t like him and it would all be over! What a grand plan. I was almost eleven at this point and honestly thought I was the most intelligent person around. Never once did it occur to me that she might really like this guy. I couldn’t see beyond my own selfishness.
The grand plan day arrived. I was to assist him in fixing a cabinet at home. I did what was asked and answered the questions he asked with as little words as possible, all along thinking about how I was going to end the relationship. After we finished that he asked if we could go out for pizza. I was onto his plan. This man was going to learn quite quickly that I couldn’t be bought with pizza! So we went and had pizza and then gelato. By the time we got back I had laughed a few times at some of the things he had said and I had managed to answer questions using more than one word.
Over the next few weeks I began to look forward to assisting him with projects around the house. He taught me how to use power tools and those skills have stayed with me.
My brother and sister adored him straight away but they were too young to understand any different. I still had my reservations on the matter but seeing my mum so happy made me realize that I had to give this man a chance.
Over the course of the next few months the one thing that stuck out is the time and patience he had for us. He never made us feel like we were annoying which I am sure at times we totally were.
It was shortly after that, on our first Father’s Day with him that the three of us kids made him breakfast and hand wrote a card. In the card we asked if it would be ok to call him Dad. I for one was so nervous to hand the card over. What if he says no? I had grown to really appreciate him and enjoyed having him around. That kind of rejection would really hurt. I eventually conjured up the strength to pass the card over. He read the card and cried. From that moment on, he was our dad.
A couple of years later, my parents sat us down to tell us that we were going to have another sibling. At this point I was thirteen. I was excited but also very scared. We were not his flesh and blood. This new addition would be. What if we were forgotten or treated differently? What if I didn’t feel the same connection I felt with my other siblings? It was nine months of anxiety waiting for this baby to be born and determine the rest of our lives.
Towards the end of June that year, my mum went into hospital and returned with a baby boy. He was absolutely beautiful and at almost fourteen years old I felt like a mini mum. I would hang out to feed him and change him and rock him to sleep. This little bundle of joy made us become even more of a family.
My parents have now been together for twenty-two years. My dad has been there for all of us through all the good times and bad times. He has been there to pick up the pieces when our realtionships fall apart (mainly mine) and comfort us when life doesn’t go to plan. He has been there to celebrate the wins in life and always encourages us to follow our dreams. He has supported us financially, emotionally and mentally throughout the whole time he has been in our lives.
Now seeing him as a Grandfather to my daughter, it has shown me that it takes a particularly special kind of person to do as my dad has done. The bond he has with my daughter is beautiful. He would do absolutely anything for her and she loves him with all of her heart.
My dad is amazing. He took on three children and worked hard to ensure we had everything we could ever want. He makes my mum happy and together they have achieved so much.
Never once, in all the years, were the three of us ever made to feel any different. Realistically we are not his biological children but it is something that never crosses our minds. If anyone ever asks about the family, my dad has always mentioned the four of us kids. In his mind, he has four children and in our minds, we have one father.
I am forever grateful that our fence was falling down and he was the one my mum called to fix it.
I feel extremely lucky to have two wonderful parents and three siblings who I love equally. We have an unbreakable bond.
Any man can make a child, but it is the one that is present and loves and cares for his children that makes a father. And I have the best father in the world.
We love you Daddy.
TEAM REGALIS 